We Were Not Magnificent
by themorningbirdie
Summary: "James Potter looked at me like he had never seen me before. 'The world would be a better place, Lily Evans, if more of us were even a little bit like you.'" It's the summer before sixth year and Lily Evans' life is forever changed. She must learn to live in two worlds, one where she is hated by her sister for being a witch, and one where she is despised for being Muggle born.


_Hello all! So I've been writing this story for a while now and I have finally decided to share it. I love reading about Lily and James but I am quite tired of the formatted way I see Lily presented quite consistently. Remus describes here as __**uncommonly kind**__ in the books and Slughorn seems to share that sentiment. This leads me to believe that Lily was not one to huff around the castle and roll her eyes all the time. Like seriously why all the huffing!? _

_I also cannot bring myself to believe that while James was off having adventures with his amazing friends Lily sat in the library and twiddled her thumbs. She had friends, family, and struggles outside of James. ANYWAY that is my Lily Evan's based rant. Yay for multidimensional female characters. Thank you for reading it. Hopefully it will give you a better idea of her character as you begin this story! _

_If any of you were wondering the title came from the song "Holocene" by Bon Iver. I highly suggest you look it up and watch the video if you don't know it. It's gorgeous and I will be using the lyrics for chapter titles! YAY Bon Iver!_

_As I am new to this your feedback would be extremely helpful! SO without further rambles: _

**_We Were Not Magnificent_**

_Chapter 1 _

_"Someway, baby it's part of me, apart from me"_

It's been years since I've been in a church but it turns out I find the pews no more comfortable than I did when I was twelve. The sweltering summer sun is beating down upon us through normal and stained glass windows alike. I find myself fidgeting in discomfort. My grey dress is starched stiff against my already on edge and irritated skin. I turn in my seat only to catch sight of a sea of strangers greeting one another affectionately before the service begins. This makes me even more uncomfortable, so I straighten myself once more.

Petunia looks perfectly at ease with herself of course, with her lips pulled tight in a hard line of judgement and her delicate hands folded in her lap. It is as though the front seat of a tiny church in the middle of Colwyn Bay, Wales is exactly where she belongs. I look away from her for fear that any spike in my irritation will cause me to melt, both physically and mentally. Instead I catch the eye of my cousin sitting directly to my left. He looks as uncomfortable as I feel, sweat beading on his hairline and formal tie haphazardly done. This gives me an unjust sense of satisfaction.

"Jesus, do these people not believe in damn air conditioning?" Finn says turning to me and pulling at his shirt cuffs.

"Apparently not, and don't say Jesus like that in a church you absolute twat." I receive a sharp elbow in the ribs from Petunia on my other side as the few people behind us clear their throats uncomfortably. "Oh right.." I say realizing my mistakenly used foul language. "Sorry."

Finn only half tries to stifle his roars of laughter which obviously causes more churchgoers to look our way. I punch him on the shoulder.

"All I'm saying," Finn continues under his breath after he gains control of himself, "is that if Grandma Evans insists we all attend church during our family holiday she could at least pick one that has joined the twentieth century." He picks at his tie, " And perhaps one with a more flexible dress code."

I scoff at this in a way that my mother would say is very unladylike. "Yes because if there is any adjective I would use to describe our grandmother, it's _flexible_."

Finn only nods knowingly. Our grandmother, with her strict activity schedule and meals planned out months in advance , did not exactly leave much room for creativity.

After Grandpa Evans died a few years back I guess my dad and Aunt Kathy made a deal that we would all see each other more. Losing someone that important has an interesting way of putting life in perspective, I guess. Ever since that moment I've spent two to three weeks out of every summer holiday on the Welsh shores in our summer home at Colwyn Bay.

I honestly quite enjoy it most of the time. Despite grandmas rather militant itinerary Finn and I typically spend most of our free time riding bikes along the harbor or listening to his Bob Dylan records while we eat popsicles and lay in the garden. Finn tells me stories of his time at university and I try to imagine what such a normal life would feel like. I am worlds away from Hogwarts when I am in Colwyn Bay. In previous years this fact troubled me, but currently, after everything that happened at the end of term, my family holiday is a welcome distraction.

I remember in previous years how I had tried desperately to get Severus to use the telephone to call me while I was away. He had insisted on sending me owls instead of course. It was no end of trouble for me to hide them from my extended family. I had to hide the owl up in my room until everyone else was asleep to return it with my note. Severus apparently had not cared about the inconvenience. Just thinking of him, even in such a simple way, hurts like a slap across the face, so I stop myself instantly. I am grateful that this place in my life, even this old church that's as hot as hell, is untouched by him.

I look past Finn's chest to the end of our pew. My grandmother is dressed in a lavender skirt and jacket that reflects off of her white hair. It looks like it was made for a younger woman and yet is some how very _her_. She looks exceptionally small and even a bit withered in the bright sunshine... Still, she smiles at the other attendees with such joy when they introduce themselves to us that it's difficult to remain too upset. I think of how lonely she must be throughout the school year with a twinge of guilt.

After what feels like a decade, the service starts. It's a lot of standing and sitting and kneeling and singing out of hymnals. By the end of it I'm quite sure that Finn will throw my purse at the priest's head if only to get him to stop telling us what to do. Everyone but grandma looks positively relieved when it's over. I hear Aunt Kathy say something very inappropriate for church under her breath which sends Finn and I into fits of roarous laughter as we gather our things. This earns us dirty looks from my mother and Petunia alike.

"So mom, what are our Sunday afternoon plans?" My father says after we make our way through the throng of churchgoers to our cars. My mother has threaded her arm through his so he can assist her with balancing in her heels on the gravel.

"We have the Sunday roast to eat Adam, of course." Grandma says as Aunt Kathy opens passenger side door for her. "And then I figured the children might like to go to the club and play some tennis."

"I'd really rather not go to the club today." Petunia states, fluffing her curls that have gone flat from heat with her hand. "I must call Vernon by two today."

Finn looks at her aghast. "Tuney you were on the phone with that bloke for at least four hours yesterday. You didn't even come to the beach!"

Petunia has always been a bit sour, but she has become particularly so since she starting seeing this boy named Vernon Dursley last term at university. I have yet to meet him but he sounds perfectly dreadful. We hear no end of him at mealtimes and see little of her otherwise. Finn still constantly attempts to include her. I've long since given up.

"Yes well some of us have better things to do than come home with bloody hands and knees and pockets full of broken sea shells." She looks pointedly at me with this statement and I awkwardly cross my legs in an attempt to cover up at least one of my scraped up kneecaps. I had made the poor decision to climb up a tree to retrieve a child's frisbee on our walk back from the beach yesterday and my knees had paid the price. I feel no need to explain to her that the seashells we obtained are actually quite pretty and not at all broken.

I am grateful and not surprised when Petunia gets in my parents' car next to me as I shuffle into the back of my aunt's behind Finn. We roll down the windows and turn up the music on our way home despite grandma's protests. Aunt Kathy looks at us in her rearview, eyes dancing with mischief. My aunt is the type of woman who will always be a bit young for her age I think. She shares the same green eyes my father has but is unlike him in every other way. She's got great taste in music and is constantly pouring me my own glass of wine at dinner, ignoring pointed looks from my mother. It makes me wonder how two siblings can be so fundamentally different.

Then I think of Petunia and it seems quite clear.

The rest of our day carries on much like any other here in Wales. I eat so much at our Sunday luncheon that I feel like I may burst and my parents and grandmother take their tea to the back garden while Aunt Kathy grudgingly joins them and sips on brandy. Finn and I excuse ourselves and change as fast as possible. We decide to pass around the soccer ball while joining the others in the garden. We ask Petunia to join us but she tells us to piss off and slams her door.

It's not until almost bed time that I excuse myself to ring Mary from my grandmothers miserably old phone.

"Hello?" My friend's familiar voice rings out cheerfully from the other line. She has been expecting my call. I find myself oddly grateful for my Muggle born friend. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not against owls by any means, but over the summer I enjoy the convenience and comfort of Muggle devices that are familiar to me.

"Hey Mary it's Lil. Sorry I didn't get the chance to call yesterday."

"AH! Lily so glad you called! I was just telling my dad I hoped it was you!" I can almost see her blonde curls bouncing with excitement as she speaks. It makes me smile widely. "How's your family holiday?"

"It's been amazing! A bit odd though you know." I search for the right words, "I feel like Hogwarts is so far away from this life. When I wake up in the morning sometimes I worry I really am just a Muggle and all the magic stuff hasn't been real all along." I had never felt this way before, not with Severus around to be my perpetual key into the magic world. Now everything is different… including me.

"I totally get what you're saying Lils. It feels the same for me. I see all the kids I used to go to primary school with and have to come up with all these lies about what I've been doing with my life the past five years. It gets exhausting." I feel a rush of affection towards my friend and nod in understanding to her plight despite the fact that she cannot see me.

"Hey!" Petunia's voice ringing from behind me makes me jump. "Get off the phone this instant! Vernon is going to call and tell me goodnight." Petunia looks horrified that someone else has the audacity to use her main source of communication to her boyfriend. I can tell by the way her cheeks are growing a hideous shade of crimson that she is about to scream at me.

I pull the phone away from my ear cover the mouth of the receiver. "One second. I have to coordinate something with Mary quickly."

The tone of her voice rises an octave. "No freak, not one second. This instant!"

"Jesus Petunia I am sure he will survive if he has to call twice to get through. Don't be such a damn phone Nazi." Finn is walking up the stairs to his room and comes to my aid. I throw him a thankful look as he winks at me and turns to continue on his way. I don't even wait to see if Petunia stalks off to leave.

"Sorry Mary," I apologize fervently as I put the phone to my ear once more, "but I actually have to go soon so lets figure out our Saturday plans."

"Right," If Mary has heard any of the previous unpleasant interaction it has not dampened her spirits, "I was thinking if you catch the 7AM train to London we could meet there at around 10:30 and then Marlene says she and her dad will come meet us at the Leaky Cauldron at around noon. I figured we could shop for her present while we wait."

My excitement begins to bubble over. "That sounds perfect Mary! Oh my God I am so excited to see you!" I find myself bouncing up and down on my toes, "I've never been to Marley's house before, is it amazing?"

"Merlin Lily you are going to love it. And you can't even believe what she has planned for her party! Every Gryffindor in our year was invited, and some others too I think."

I want to squeal with girlish excitement but don't get the chance because Petunia is at my shoulder, fuming. "Uhh… Look Mary I've got to run but I'll see you on Saturday OK?"

"No worries! I'll see you then dear! Have a fun last week with your family." And before I even get the chance to say goodbye she hangs up. I shove the phone into Petunia's waiting hand with a scowl. I would say something unpleasant but nothing comes to mind so I simply turn on my heels and leave.

Sometimes I wonder what these weeks would be like if Petunia was unchanged from childhood. I know it's silly because I guess we all change from childhood, but the world has hardened Petunia most dramatically. She's constantly like a cat backed into a corner whenever I come near, hackles raised and hissing. I wonder what it is about my presence that seems to rob her of so much joy. And then I think of Severus and his hateful eyes, and his spitting out the word "mudblood". My eyes well up with tears when I remember that Petunia is not the only person who used to love me when we were children and now despises me.

_Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think of course!_


End file.
